The Monster in the pool !
It was a dark and rainy night and there was a little girl about to go to bed. Rosie heard a noise in the pool , SUDDENLY ! She jumped up and screamed "Oh for god's sake help"! She walked out the door but Rosie saw nothing.Out of nowhere she saw a shadow in the bush.Rosie walked towards the bush and she saw a chicken with an injured wing.Rosie heard the sound again and it wasn't the chicken this time.Step by step Rosie crept towards the pool.The water became darker and darker.Something black lurched out of the pool and grabbed her and pulled her in to the pool.She felt it shake her "Rosie its time for school"Said Rosie's Mom.
By : The Pukeko's Group
To:Ash
ReplyDeleteGood job. This is a really good story. I would love to see what happened next.
I think you could add a little bit more to the story. You can also put some spaces between the lines because I get muddled up where I'm reading from.
Fantastic work i really liked how you made things really interesting that make me think a lot!